I'm NOT Who You Think I Am

No, I'm definitely not who you think I am, now that I really think about what I've been blogging. Even those of you who really do know me, I am definitely not who you think I am. There are few who know the real me.

The real me, that I manage to cover up for the most part, is a sad little pathetic person. I have a very hot temper and I'm quick to get angry very, very fast. Anger management, don't get me started on that. The real me is actually very depressed. The real me I cannot even put into words.

And I'm not all that great at acting, or so people tell me, but they don't know what I'm hiding. They don't know what I wish I could be. They don't anything. My family, and even my friends, I don't tell them some of the things that reach this blog. In fact, few of them know about this blog of mine.

Hmm....perhaps my moods have been changing drastically. Maybe I need help. But then again, doesn't everyone need help in this death ridden world? We're all doomed anyway. Isn't like we spend our whole lives waiting to die? Discovering atheism has opened my eyes. After what I've been through these past months, I am no longer a stable, mentally, happy person. So spare me.

I try so hard to be what I'm not, and I fear that if I go and be what I really am, I'm going to hurt a lot of people. I can be positive, I can talk about inspiration, I can tell you all about love, but really, that just isn't me. Perhaps I am living a lie. I am so confused.

But the one thing I know is that I'm NOT who you think I am. I am not even what I think I am. And perhaps I just need to take some time and think.

I mean, in general, and I don't mean to brag, a lot of people get along well with me. I don't understand how it's so easy for me to be who I am not in front of people. I mean, what game am I playing? It's not living if you're trying to be someone you aren't.

Like I said, few know the real me. Kate, who I've mentioned, probably is the only one who understands me right now. She knows I've got problems. She knows my temper flares easily if people aren't careful. And she's the closest anyone will get to know the real me.

Sure, me and her can have our laughs and our jokes, but we know we're both covering up things. We know that we're not really being ourselves. And maybe that's what makes us friends, like I said before in another post, we're only who we really are, or something like it, to each other.

I'm sure most of you wouldn't understand. But under every nice person's outer shell, there's something evil and mysterious lurking. And on some people, who are already falling apart, they don't have that shell. They just have denial.